FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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