every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
