This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
