so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
