you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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