Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
