mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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