She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
