I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
