She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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