Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
