well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
