I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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