That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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