Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
