im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize