Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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