he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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