i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
