If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
