I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
