Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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