there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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