it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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