Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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