You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
