This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
