No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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