yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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