don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
