my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
