just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
