just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
