It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
