I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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