you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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