so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
