eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
