I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize