Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
