My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
