Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it penis luge time yet?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
