A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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