I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
