i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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