Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
