so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
