I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
