Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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