i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
