apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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