I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
