Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize