my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
