good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize