sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
