Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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