I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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