Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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