She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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