Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
