so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize