i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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