I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
