"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
