Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
