Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to rekindle our bromance
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize