i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
