11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
