I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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