how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
