I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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