There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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