sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
