well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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